Tuesday, September 13, 2005

New Orleans orders confiscation of legally-owned firearms

PARODY (News) – The City of New Orleans, in an effort to curtail the violence rampant in it’s hurricane-ravaged streets, ordered the confiscation of all legally-owned firearms in the city. According to news reports upon the orders of New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin, the New Orleans Police, the National Guard, the Oklahoma National Guard, and U.S. Marshals have begun breaking into homes at gunpoint, confiscating their legally-owned firearms, and evicting the residents.

"No one is allowed to be armed,” said P. Edwin Compass III, the superintendent of police. “We're going to take all the guns."

It is a move that city officials hope will accomplish … well … it’s hard to tell what they think this will accomplish. Let’s see if city officials can shed some light for us …

“With bands of thugs and criminals roving our streets in search of property to steal and people to victimize it was necessary to act quickly,” said a city spokesman. “Some people have questioned the wisdom of taking the only means of defense available to the people out there who have had to fend off criminals. But, in light of the fact we’ve been criticized for not acting quickly enough prior to the hurricane and in it’s immediate aftermath, we decided it was politically expedient to do something. And, when you think about the fact that our police force is stretched thin and can’t be everywhere all of the time, this move only makes more sense.”

Um, actually no.

When it was pointed out that the criminals might not comply with the order to turn over firearms the spokesman replied, “Oh. Yeah, well, if that’s the case then they will meet with very little resistance which means it won’t be necessary for them to use their guns. So, at the very least, the shoot-outs in the streets will come to an end, right?”

Big government logic at it’s best.


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